Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Not fun anymore.

I dunno. While some of you who read this may disagree with what I'm about to say, I have to say it. I'm not having fun in TKD anymore. One might say, "Oh, you're not supposed to have fun. You are there to learn something serious, after all, defense arts and physical exercise and pushing your psyche to the limit as well as your body," or something like that.

Well, I admit, that's all true, but sorry-- you don't do something like that because you have to or because it's serious. You do it because you enjoy it, and enjoying it means it's fun for you, even if it's a serious subject. Heck, brain surgery is fun for those who know how to do it and have had the training. It's what they like, it's what they enjoy, they like the challenges, and thus, even though brain surgery is probably one of the most serious and stressful jobs in the world, I'm sure that a lot of them, when you present it like this, would say their job is fun.

Now, speed over to me. No, I'm no expert at TKD. Heck, for all intensive purposes, I'm in the limbo land. Black Belt recommended, but still a color belt. I'm doing a form that I've done before. I'm trying to cram in the memorization of the form in, and I will admit, I'm not practicing as much as I should, simply because I'm bored and my knees aren't holding up well to do the form the way it should be done. Weapons, which now count in testing, (up until now it was all brownie points,) are pretty boring as well, as all I'm doing are drills that I could do before I even got to this level, and whatever I didn't know I picked up in one class. The same thing, more or less, will be happening in the next cycle too. The only challenge I have in learning anything new would be figuring out how to do all this without my knees hurting. I'm sure there's room for improvement, but I'm just not up to it right now. The problem is that I'm SOOOOO close to this black belt. I need to push myself through. And yet, I need a break.

I'm also at a point where I'm not happy being there either. I enjoy a lot of the people, but my own main instructor is getting on my nerves. It extends beyond the class setting too, since I know her also in the school business setting.Her less than desirable points are starting to grate on me. I keep my mouth shut to her, because she gives me a lot of breaks, and she is generally a good instructor, so I don't want to lose that.

Things have been very stressful at home as well. If you wan the gory details, you can check out my regular blog. While my instructor/boss has been understanding, and in many respects has given me some assistance with this, allowing Drew to enter her camp at the last minute and such, allowing Drew to come to work with me, etc. she still expects me to read her mind, sometimes will still treat me like a kid (I might be a color belt, but I'm her age!), and with some things she's done and said recently, I think it's all just built up. I don't need that. I put up with it, but I don't need that. I've been even tempted to jump ship and go to the school HER instructor runs, since it IS closer to me now, but I haven't. I'm not that kind of person. It's either to my credit or my personal liability that I'm like that.

Training is going okay, I guess. It's still memorization of my form, and I mostly have it, and like I said, just need to practice. Haven't done board breaks in ages. Oh well. There's really not much to say. The morning class today generally went well. Having Michelle teach is good, and Sandy's coming more regularly, and even Karla came today, and I enjoy their company in class very much. Then again, their my friends, so of course I would. Tonight's instructor class was a true instructor class, and generally it went well. Not much to say about that.

You know that song, "Gotta Get Through This" by Daniel Bedingfield? Yeah, that's my TKD theme song right now. (And yes, if I ever did XMA, I have considered doing that song for a routine.)


Miss Chris said...

I had soooo many days when I hated karate. Just the thought of going was more than I could stand. I would always come around though. Looking back on it, I don't know how I battled my way through those kind of days.

Becky said...

I also went through a phase like that--more than one, in fact--in which karate just wasn't fun. I even came very close to quitting once or twice. I with I knew what to tell you, other than you are not alone in this. Good luck with your training. I hope the joy returns for you.

Anonymous said...

Welll, I DID quit. Took three years off then started back last fall. I needed the break at the time. There were many reasons...some life reasons, some financial reasons but when it comes down to it if I had been enjoying it as much as I SHOULD have been, I'd have kept it up at the time. I needed that break to realize I missed it like crazy. Honestly part of what I'm enjoying now is different people. Different faces. Different instructors, which is something you don't really have. Our school has been such flux that it seems every month we have a new instructor with a new style to get used to. Sometimes it is irritating but it also makes things interesting. I think you should come to my school for a class every two weeks or so. At least it would be a different face. Or take some time off. The way they do it, they'll let you start back where you left off and you won't have really lost ground. Either way, find a way to mix it up and make it work for you.

John Vesia said...

What your going through is common. Would taking a break be such a bad thing right now? Maybe you should consider taking one, the sooner the better. That black belt isn't going anywhere.