Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Less than 24 hours now...

I have to keep a level head. I've been telling many people that tomorrow is the day I get my black belt. For the non-martial arts person, I can say that. But for all of you who read this regularly (and thank you for doing so, by the way), you know that's not the deal in reality. Tomorrow is the day I probably will get my black belt. There is no guarantee. It is all up to me, in the end, and very often, it comes down to the boards. If I don't break them, no dice. I've been able to do it, so I've been confident, but there's always a first time due to nerves or what have you. So yeah, I'm starting to get a little nervous, although in theory I shouldn't be. I know the material. I know what I have to do in order to get the job done. I know I can do what's expected of me. Is it that I'm nervous to do it in front of people? Not so much. Yes, my husband is coming to watch for the occasion. He rarely goes to testings. I think the last time he tried to go with Drew in tow was for my camo belt, and that was a disaster. He didn't even see me receive the belt because Drew was acting up. Drew now has instructions to go play in the back office if he's too bored. And the large majority of the people who will be watching are the same people who have watched me test through the ranks, who practice with me and learn with me on a weekly basis, so I know I've got a lot of support.

I have a lot of things going in my favor. And for the most part, I am confident that I can follow through on what I have to do. I've trained for this for two years. I've made adjustments to ensure success. So why, now at the almost literal and figurative 11th hour am I starting to have doubts and get nervous? I don't know. Maybe it's because I've seen people try and not succeed. I've come close to not succeeding myself a few times, but did by the skin of my teeth. Maybe it's just because I know that perhaps in grounding myself and finding some humility in what I have to do tomorrow, that is setting me for the path of being a true black belt. Humble, yet confident in many ways, and knowing I still have a long way to go, even though I've come very far.

Send lots of prayers/good karma/good thoughts my way. I'm going to need it, I think.


frotoe said...

Good luck tonite! You will do great. Sending all sorts of good karma your way!

Becky said...

Good luck from me as well. I'll be thinking of you.