(Crossposted from my regular blog with some edits.)
I'm upset tonight about Drew and TKD. Or should I say, Drew and not TKD. Drew had been good all day on his day off from school, according to his father, no problems. He was even cooperative when I got home and had him getting ready for TKD class. I don't know what happened completely, but when we got to the ATA, Drew had some sort of misconception that today was the Weapons Camp (which is not until the day after Thanksgiving). I don't know where he got that idea, and he flipped out. When I explained it was regular class today, he continued to cry and flip out, and even in getting him to calm down and try to talk about it, he kept saying that he hated TKD, and wanted a break. Well, I tried to convince him that he wouldn't be allowed to go to Weapons Camp if he didn't go to classes, but he didn't care. No matter what I tried to do to get him to take class, it just wasn't going to work. The best thing to do was just to pack up before even starting class, and go home.
On the way home, I kept asking and giving him leading questions as to why he didn't want to cooperate. He constantly gives mixed signals. He likes class sometimes, loves the weapons especially, but hates doing the other stuff. He wants to be a student helper, but he doesn't want his black belt. He doesn't understand why he has to do Songham #4 form again when he's done it already and it's "easy". (Well, for one thing, he only did the half form before...but I digress.) We didn't come to much of a resolution in discussing it in the car, so the conversation was continued when we got home.
Once home, we included the DH in the conversation, and I was trying to get Drew to make a commitment that after a cycle break (2 months), he'd start again in January. He was hesitant, and saying he hated it. Now, the kid's got some talent in this, and can enjoy it, some I'm getting frustrated and confused. DH was reminding me that's he's 7 and doesn't know what he wants, and we'll make him. I reminded DH that he doesn't take Drew to TKD classes, and doesn't have to fight with him when things go awry. I'm just tired of Drew going in and out, in and out for months at a time. I have no problem giving him a summer break, or giving him a break now and then as long as he can be committed to classes. Otherwise, why put me through a 2 month break only to have him go for 2 months, then take another break? I'm tired of the years of see-sawing, adjusting my schedule constantly, and working my butt off to pay for classes. And if he didn't do TKD, I want him to do something else, but what? DH agreed that it shouldn't be a team sport, and that he should do something that will make him focus on what he's doing.
I also pointed out that if we pull Drew permanently (or, I like to think optimistically, for a long break, as I really hopes he can get back into it eventually), where does that leave me? I still like it, even though I don't have the energy or motivation as of late. Once I started with my new job, my schedule and energy levels changed dramatically. I'm not as entrenched as I was before. And while it can be seen as a compliment that I am fairly self-sufficient in my martial arts studies, it was getting boring, and I wasn't getting the kind of attention that I felt I needed anymore. I had to ask for help constantly, and things that were wrong with my form were being corrected after doing them wrong for a YEAR. I know my weapons half-form is pretty ugly, but functional, if that makes sense. But that's because I didn't get a lot of help when learning it. So, I can understand Drew wanting to do something different; however, I have a certainly loyalty to the place, and I feel like I'll be losing a huge part of my social life and friends there that I've made over the almost 4 years we've been there. I've worked hard to be able to afford classes and gear and such for both Drew and I, and I feel like he's throwing it down the toilet for the both of us.
DH is convinced that Drew doesn't mean it when he says he never wants to go back. Fine, I'll let him argue it out with Drew instead of me. It's a little too gut-wrenching and emotional for me.
In the meantime, just because DH was more interested than me (although I will admit I was mildly interested), we went to the new gym nearby tonight. We have some friends who are over there and like it, and know one family that sends the kids for swimming lessons there. It's a nice facility, very up-to-date. We checked it out a little bit. We saw the gym, got the basic info about the swimming classes for kids, saw some of the gym without the full tour, and that was that. I looked at the website a little more when we got home, and I know they have TKD there as well. Not the style that I've learned, but at least there'd be a TKD option there, while still being able to use the weight equipment and such (which is usually how I've lost weight-- weight training). Of course, we don't know the pricing. And the pricing for 2-1/2 hour classes/week vs. the 1 hr/week of TKD twice a week for Drew is different-- the swim classes would be slightly higher, but not by a lot. So, it's something to think about.
This whole thing has just has me ripped to shreds. I really don't know what to do in this situation. It's too much too fast for me this time, so I think I'm going to let DH handle this. He understands why I want Drew in TKD or some other discipline of sport that can help him focus his mind and his self-control-- he agrees with all the reasons I want Drew in martial arts. But as I said, where does that leave me? Try a new place for kicks, (no pun intended), yet feel like I am betraying the place that "brought me up", and where my friends are, where I know I have emotional support if not educational support? Or do I stay, and just voice my concerns that I want a little more personal attention? Or do I just try something completely different, like join this gym and do Pilates instead? I feel a lot of stress with this. I recently went through a very emotional and stressful time dealing with a problem with my family (parents, siblings, etc.) and it tore me apart to make some painful decisions about my relationship with them. But the decisions in the situation were pretty clear cut. This time, in this situation, it's not as clear what I need to do. And it's really eating me alive.