Frustrated in a twisted way

Tonight was leadership class, and it's always a challenge in there. Since tournament is coming up, we all worked on some things to help us, and also mentored each other in some drills, which helped with our teaching skills. We first did some aerobic stuff, where we had to do different foot combinations while running through the "ladder". Some I could do with no problem, and some I didn't do as well, but I tried. The worst part is that I am NOT an aerobic person due to my asthma, so you knew it was bad that when we were stretching and we had some dance music on to help keep us motivated, that my heartbeat, which I could feel throbbing all the way to the veins in my head, were in time with the music. Not good. Eventually my heart rate came down. I should resurrect my pulse/heart rate monitor so that these instructors can see that I really am over exerting myself to keep up sometimes. I think to see that my HR would be over 200 BPM would be really bad, don't you think? (I'm guessing at that, but it wouldn't be surprising. I always feel like my heart is going to explode and my lungs deflate like balloons in cartoons.) Anyway, we did these drills to work on kicks either for board breaking or in our forms, so I worked on my outer crescent kick. I was doing them a lot more gracefully tonight, so I was happy about that. Then we worked on practicing our forms. I've got most of it down, but the last freaking three steps are throwing me off, and it's a directional thing. The last three steps are SO simple. It's a double outer knifehand strike, then a slow upper hand block and low block (opposite hands), side kick, and then spin around and do the high/low block quickly. We do the same thing towards the beginning of the form, but in the opposite direction. For some reason, I'm having a hard time with that first double knifehand to set the whole section up. I don't know why. It's just not clicking. So, I just continued doing that last section while everyone else worked on weapons, because sometimes I'd get it, and sometimes I wouldn't. I don't know where the mental block is, or why the mental block is occurring. Once I have the "setup" right, I can do the rest of it with no problem. And the tournament is a week from Saturday, so I'm feeling the pressure. I think overall, I have it, and I have to remember where the ki-haps are and put them in, but I think with some persistance, it will be done. Next we worked on breaking boards. I practiced a little on the BOB first to make sure I had the rhythm of the whole thing. When it was finally my turn, POP, right there on the first try. Man, I get so excited when that happens! I am so thrilled, especially since I just learned how to do that knifehand break just a few weeks ago. Something where some persistance and training is paying off! I hope that by the time graduation and permission to test comes around, there will be little or no issues with me progressing. There seems to have been problems in getting stripes, and just about anyone who is a color belt has not officially, at least through the ATA system, been acknowledged as having graduated to their current belt. I mean, Penelope is a Yellow Belt, and she is a Decided, not recommended, and she didn't get her first stripe until yesterday. I've gotten none, and I know I've earned them by now, unless there's something I don't know. How frustrating! Sparring, of course, took the last vestiges of energy out of me. I first sparred Dr. Jimmy, aka Dr. Albani who all two or three of you may remember as the scourge who made life miserable for me early when I was a white belt. I'm okay with him now, and I'm sure I was easy for him, but I think it was a good round with him, at least from the perspective that I got a good challenge. My kicking still does pretty decently. Sparred Nina second, but I was pooped by then, and she's good. ;-) Then, that was that.

If I can just hammer out that last section of the form, I'll be as good to go as I can be at this rate. I'm just so frustrated that I can't twist my arms in the right freaking direction consistently! Grrr!