I need to find my ki

Life has been pretty crazy lately. We put the house on the market (FSBO--yeah, I know), and the big, long awaited tournament is this weekend. I've been working all week to get the tournament program together. Even Ma'am has been doing things last minute, so I don't feel quite so bad in the end. But there is not only frenzy at the ATA, but just at my house too so my head is feeling like it's in constant whirl.

So it's no surprise that last night during a practice tournament, I didn't do as well as I thought. I think I was trying to rush through, and I blanked out, and just didn't put the full effort I need to in. I DO know this form, although I am still trying to remember where to put the kihaps. I need to find my center, I need to calm down and find my ki, and just RELAX. That's easier said than done, but I have to do that. I know that everytime I start my form I take a deep breath to try to blow it all out. I wish I could take more than one deep breath, but you know, the judges aren't going to wait all day for me to start, after all. I need to practice more at home, at least marking through what the moves are. When I practiced last night before class on the back mat, I was doing okay, but then under the pressure of my peers-- my PEERS, no less-- I choked. I shouldn't have in front of them. I know they have my best interests at hand.

Oy. If you see me come up for air in the next week, you'll know I'm still alive! Just so much to jam pack in the next few days!