Forced to bite my tongue :-( (Ouch!)

I will start by saying that I have to retract what I said about Drew going to the tournament. Until this afternoon, he was all fired up about going, and I tried to trust my little guy and his wishes within reason. I advocated on his behalf to his dad to let him go. I paid for the darn thing. But it fell apart.

Today, I don't know what happened to him. Or, I should say, the old Drew cropped up again. During his class, I decided to hide out in the office so I wouldn't be a distraction, and he could concentrate on the instruction he was getting. To boot, my boss/instructor, SW, was in today to teach, so she was heading up the class. He was doing fine for a while, but from what I could overhear, the kids had to line up in some way to do drills across the floor, and he flipped/freaked out because he was not 1st in line, but second in line. He wasn't freaking out because someone butt in front of him, but merely because His Majesty wasn't first. Well, SW recanted, and I half guessed anyway knowing how they handle things there only too well, she sent him off to the sidelines of the mat to have a sort-of timeout. In his timeout, rather than sit still like he's supposed to do, he was spinning around and goofing off. SW then recanted, since she couldn't allow for that either understandably, that she whispered in his ear that he had a choice, of either getting up nicely and walking with her to the office to talk to me, or else she'd pick him up like a baby and carry him to the office. Fortunately for her back (because he's a big boy and weighs 60 lbs!), he walked with her, where she told me what happened. She went back to class, and I was trying to finish something up that I had started while I talked to him. Drew pushes my buttons easily these days, because I'm so tired of fighting him constantly, so for the second day in a row, rather than yell at him or even hint that I was highly upset, I kept a low, even tone in talking to him. To make a long story short, since he was not willing to go back into class and comply with what was asked of him, he lost his chance to go to the tournament (which didn't seem to bother him) and we left before class was even finished. We left just as the kids were going to get their weapons and I was able to tell SW what we were doing. She was fine, and I followed up later tonight with an email, and she understood and was very supportive. To quote her in wanting to help however she could, "That's what family is for." (Which plucked a heartstring to know that I've got this kind of support from my TKD school, especially the chief instructor.)

We -- meaning Drew, my husband and I-- talked about Drew taking a break, and decided that it might be a good idea. Even upon mentioning this to SW, she was behind the idea, as long as we left on a high note rather than a low note, as she felt that the last time he took a break, he was a bit more refreshed and ready to go. I think JC (my husband) and I have to figure out the timing, and switch him to another sport, like soccer or something like that, and figure out the schedules and all for that and how to get involved. Perhaps between being on a break and being on a team sport will kick this boy into understanding that he can't be first in everything and learn to understand more about equality and the "there's no 'I' in team" thinking that he needs for life.

So, I'm feeling very sad and angry too. I went to all that trouble to get him to go to the tourney, and now he's pulling out. I mean, I'll get a refund, and I'm not being hassled about it from SW, which I wouldn't expect her to do under the circumstances, but it's just so frustrating. He really does have a knack for this, and as my mother said in talking to her about this tonight, maybe he does need something for a while where he can run around and learn how to not be so self-centered about things.

Great thing to deal with mentally before the biggest tournament *I've* have had to do so far. Thanks Drew. Just get me into a clinically depressed state before a big tourney. I appreciate it.