Sometimes you need a reminder of how lucky you are.

Today, I slept in and skipped my own class. My jaw still hurts a little, but I'm not ready to get into sparring in class, and felt I needed the rest, and I did. I slept in and my jaw hurts a lot less today. But I had promised to help out today with the Special Abilities class, so I went.

I knew a few of the kids because I had seen them before when Drew used to go to Cubs class, and their class was before his. Two of them were clearly autistic tweens, but they are somewhat responsive. Another kid, an Indian boy whom I can't guess his age but he's at least a teenager, has a lot more going on. Even today, I'm not sure, but after class he may have been having a mild seizure. :-S His mom said he hadn't been connecting much all day, and his limbs are very bent and such. The other two guys there are probably older teens. One is Micah, who is clearly MR ,whose parents are black belts I've met in graduation and in class. Micah usually is yelling all sorts of stuff, but it's enthusiastic stuff because he loves TKD. He's a pip and very good natured, so I like talking to him. And then came in the other teenager, Tim-- about 6'1", very cute that you'd not realize he was autistic until you tried to talk to him. He never said a word, and talk about the disconnect. I had to work with him. It was fine, but man, it's a little intimidating. With the Downs Syndrome kids whom I usually pair up with in class during the week, they are fine in comparison, as at least they make the mental and social connection. It just takes them a little longer to do it. I can deal with them much more easily that this crowd today. I admit, it scared me a little, but I did my best, and since I was only assisting, I just cheered a lot and help them.

I know it sounds awful that I wasn't comfortable with these kids. I think that's probably normal for someone who isn't used to dealing with people who have some truly serious neurological disabilities. But it definitely puts things in perspective. Drew has disabilities, but nothing like these kids. NOTHING. Yes, he has big time speech issues, and he might have some reading issues, it's hard to tell at this stage (at least for me), and he does have the sensory issues, but in comparison to these kids, he was NORMAL. Sometimes you need a reminder like this to make you remember how lucky and blessed you truly are.

If I can help it, I think I'm better off with the adults and Tiny Tigers from now on. Unless is Michael and Matthew (the two boys with Downs) that I've worked with before are around, I'm just too uncomfortable with those kids. I know I sound like an awful person for saying so, but at the same time, I think it's good to know your limits sometimes.

Just a kick in the mouth

Drew and I had our Interschool tournament tonight. Drew, of course being younger and lower ranked, went earlier in the evening. I have photographic proof!


This Drew sitting patiently (GASP!) for his turn.

This is Drew doing a happy punch for the camera.

Here's Drew receiving his medal for best "ki-haps" of the tournament. Here, he's doing a "GRRRR!" for Miss Chunko. I think that's because it's Miss Chunko's favorite (and she's seen to the right of the photo).

And finally, Drew showing off his new medal with that sneer of being the badass that he is. Word.

Well, after the tournament, I forget what happened, but Drew turned into Mr. Badass for the rest of the night, just having a sour attitude, etc. I was trying to get him changed and out the door, because my turn was in less than an hour and we had to go and eat between now and then. I had also tried to ask Ma'am what time I should be back, if it was still 6-ish, and she said, "I guess...". Well, that doesn't help me. We made it to Friendly's, scarfed down our dinner, and made it back in time for me to go and change. Fortunately, my event hadn't started yet, so I was in good shape. I went to change, and was about as ready as I could be to go. I knew that JC and Drew would spend part of the time outside, but with the exception of 2 minutes, that's all they did. They didn't come to watch me at all. There were only 3 of us, so it would've moved quickly, but no. Not even for the medal distribution at the end. They couldn't be bothered to get out of the car except to get a cheap ice cream at the convenience store next door. Believe me, I was not happy about this.

But I had other things to deal with while the guys sat in the car. I had a competition! And it figures that again, being the only adult color belt to show up, I have to be paired with a group. Last time, I was paired with older kids who were the same rank, and got all the golds because I was the only adult going. I thought that since again, I was the only adult color belt, and the only adult color belt in my age range to boot, I'd get all the golds again by default. But no. Ma'am decided to put me with the other two adult women who were competing. And they were both 2nd degree black belts. Crap. Now, unlike at the regional competition, I knew both of these women personally, and so I couldn't feel too much animosity against them. I still didn't like that Ma'am pitted me against them-- it's not a fair competition if that's the case-- but you can't go against it. Just go in and do what you can.

So let me put this in perspective even further-- I was up again Jeri S. and Karla W. According to the statistics posted as of tonight (which doesn't include the tournament last week yet), Jeri is 1st in weapons and sparring and 2nd in forms for 2nd degree black belts in the 40-49 year range IN THE STATE, and Karla is 1st in sparring, 2nd in form, and 3rd in weapons for 2nd degree in the 30-39 range IN THE STATE. And Ma'am is putting me up against these women? Geez. I mean, in class it's one thing, but competition? That's not exactly fair. But then again, the worst I could do in any of these categories was 3rd, since there was only 3 of us.

Sure enough, forms I got 3rd. The had a tiebreaker between Jeri and Karla on that one. In weapons, I got 3rd again. Then in sparring, Karla opted out for some reason, and it was just Jeri and me. I asked Jeri to go easy on me, as I suck at sparring, and she claimed she did too. (And this was before I saw her stats! She fibbed big time, or else she meant that this was her weak spot vs. the other disciplines.) So, there we were. It was the first time I actually sparred a woman who was about the same size as me, so in a sense, it was actually easier to not worry about punching in the wrong spots as much, since most of my competition is usually a lot shorter than me. I decided to just adopt the same attitude as I did before at regionals, which was just keep going until they say stop. I was surprised that I was actually racking up some points against Jeri. But at one point, BAM, just what I didn't need. Jeri kicked me in the jaw. I supposed it would've been worse had I not worn my mouthguard and helmet, but at this writing, 3 hours later, it still smarts like hell. Jeri apologized profusely, and made sure I was okay. Since I'm not about to be the crybaby and have a bad habit of being tough in the face of adversity, I proclaimed I was okay and kept going. In the end, it was very close. We were tied at 4 pts. a piece, and you need 5 to win. Sure enough, she got it. So, I got 2nd place for that one, but knowing that Jeri was a 2nd degree and I was able to keep up with her, that was pretty good. Upon later seeing that she's sparring champ for her age group and rank in the state, that made me feel a little better.

Thus concluded the tournament, and we got our medals-- my 2 bronze and 1 silver. At the end, Miss Chunko called us back, as she wanted to give one more prize out, which I didn't think they gave the adults. She gave me a pin for ATA spirit. I was happy that I got that over the 2 other ladies, considering they are much higher ranked and have been in the leadership program for a while. I thought I might have overheard something about giving it to me not so much for giving good loud yels and ki-haps (it runs in the family), but rather because of the fact that I showed up and battled it out with two people who were significantly higher ranked than me, just to get the experience and practice, and held my own. For that endeavor alone, I earned it. That was rather satisfying in itself, but somewhat lost in the fact that my family was outside and had no clue because they hadn't bothered to come in to support me.

So I guess tonight was a bit of a hollow victory. I think I just have to have the confidence that I have nothing to lose by trying. I still have a lot to learn, and hopefully by the next regional tournament, I'll be more of a force to be reckoned with.

Now, to get this jaw fixed...OUCH. I can't close my jaw without it hurting like hell. I can move my jaw directly up and down, but the slightest bit off in any other direction (such as for chewing or a few other things you wouldn't think that you move your jaw that much), OUCH. I can still talk, but I think that's due to my elastic tongue and the fact that my lips still work. So I can still be perfectly understood. I took two Motrin for it and it isn't working, and I've tried icing the joint, and that doesn't help either. I said I'd help with the Special Abilities class tomorrow, and I will, but I'm not sure if I'll go to my own class tomorrow. I'm tired, and Drew's been instructed to stay in bed later if he can, and I know I can't spar with this jaw. We'll see if I make it. I think I've put in my quota for the last two weeks and then some, so we'll see.

How much caffeine did she have?

No, not me. Miss Chunko. She is currently practicing what she has to do for her testing to upgrade her instructor status. Yesterday during class, she got most of the points that she needed to do out of habit, but there were a few that she had to brush up on. Well, today, she was teaching class, and well, you would have thought that this generally perky 18 year old gal had drank about 15 cappuccinos. She was going a little crazy. Part of it is that she was trying to make sure that she was keeping the energy levels up, and that we kept moving. Nothing wrong with that, but it was 7 PM, after a long day, and I'm not exactly in tip top shape, overweight, asthmatic and have bad knees (the back is better, thank you). So, 'nuff said. I just was ready to keel over and I couldn't keep up. I got through the exercises/drills with a little bit of trouble, but overall kept up. We finally went over the form. I knew next to nothing of it, so I was cramming in about 2/3rds of what we need to know so far for it in one night. Yikes. I think I have it, but thank God I have two guides to refer to to help me review it, since I was crash coursing so much of it. Generally is was easier than the form I just did, but it's still new, and I really have to work on perfecting the moves. Yes, I know, I have to get them down first, but I need to make this new form good too, as this is the one I most likely will be competing with in June, unless I get the next one down really fast. We'll see. Sparring went fine-- up against Michael who is a Downs kid, and he and I have fun doing it. And then Sharon, and Sharon was more exhausted than me, so we went through the motions, so that helped. But board breaking. Man, that was easy tonight. I decided that I would try something different, as I was a little afraid to try the side kick, since I have too many reservations about doing it. I dunno, it's been a while. So, I did a front kick. BAM! Got it on the first try. Sharon was amazed. She is having a hard time with the front kick, and can do the side kick with no problem, and yet I'm the opposite. No problem, to each their own. But at least I found some success with that. Oh yeah. BAM on the first try. So at least I have a basic foot board break that I don't even have to think about.

So tonight's class was good, but it got a little goofy with Miss Chunko going a little overly gung ho. Got some good giggles as well as one heckuva workout, for sure.

I had emailed Ma'am with the tournament forms stuff this afternoon, and she only made one tweak, which was that the charities had changed, so that's easy to fix. I guess starting tomorrow, starting by hitting up the chiropractor, I'm in the business of getting ads for this program and raising some funds. Wa-hoo.

Drew and I also have the interschool tournament tomorrow, so I think after the regional, this will be a cinch. I still have to do well, of course, but it's in front of Ma'am, so it'll be easier.

In over my head

I wrote a little about this in my regular blog, but I'll expound upon it here. I am really feeling way in over my head still about joining leadership. I mean, what was I thinking? I think there are some higher expectations for me too now, since I am getting more involved in the business side of things and not just the instructor end of things.

Before class started, Ma'am told me she had some things for me on her desk. I couldn't exactly imagine what it was, but it was materials for the tournament program. She said the person who used to do it is no longer with the school and never thought that was happening (whatever), but nobody had copies of what they had, so she had some older stuff from Master Raimondi to use as guides. She seems to be having a lot of confidence in having me do this. Yikes. I'll do my best, of course, but still, it's a big responsibility.

Class was more intense than this program business. Three of the instructor trainees are up for testing, so we were all used as their guinea pigs of sorts while they "practiced". The one teenager, Ms. Chunko who has taught Drew quite a bit, did fine. Ms. Kawaski also did fine,. Both of them teach the kids on a regular basis, so most of it came naturally to them. Mr. Dr. Phillips (as there is a Mrs. Dr. Phillips) seemed a little more awkward, and didn't know exactly how to keep things humming. His attitude was good, but he kinda stumble and faultered in talking to us. I'm sure he'll be fine-- he already teached Kendo fighting, so maybe it was just being put on the spotlight that made him nervous. What made me anxious had to do with being the only color belt in the class. The information that was being presented for these instructors' testing was material I haven't done at all. There were skills and steps I've never done, combinations I've never done, and it was thrown at us kamikaze style, or at least it felt that way to me. That's simply because a) I don't know any of this material, whereas these black belts all had it a long time ago and b) I swear I'm getting old and don't pick up stuff as quickly as I used to. I was paired up with Victoria, and I'm sure she was rather annoyed with me. She knows the material inside and out, and is one of Ma'am better teen teachers, but I think I tried her patience a little, but not intentionally. I was doing roundkicks when I should've been doing side kicks, which she was constantly correcting, and the reverse crescent kicks thoroughly confused me. I was making an effort though, and laughing at myself when I royally screwed up. Oh well. The only thing I can say is that I'm sure that I will have a fairly natural ability to teach than some people. I am a people person after all. I know I work with the SA kids and the little kids well, so that will help. I had been talking to a fellow adult student tonight who has his black belt, but started in leadership a few months ago, and he said he hasn't cracked open the big manual as of yet, so that was a little encouraging that I'm not the only one who feels like it's a lot of information.

After class with the post-meeting, Ma'am mentioned some business stuff and that I was involved in them. I guess it was cool that she was pointing me out as more of a person getting into the business end of things, but somewhat intimidating at the same time, seeing that I'm just starting to get my toes wet in all of this.

I'm just feeling rather overwhelmed by all of this. What have I gotten myself into? I've said this before, that I know there is no rush in learning all this or getting involved in this stuff, but still...it's a lot to swallow even a little at a time when you look at the magnitude of it all. What was I thinking? Was my drive to do competitions and have a chance at some tournament glory a moment when I was pulling the wool over my own eyes? I don't know. While I feel like there is outside confidence that I can do this, I'm really feeling my own self-esteem wavering. Man, if I fail at this, it's going to be a big blow. Why do I always jump in head first at full force instead of just biding my time?

In the meantime, Drew was up to some of his usual antics in class. I could see he was half participating here and there. He had an argument with me just before class, where he wanted to run on the mats, and even asked another boy to do it with him. The boy very politely declined, and he had also been told that he wasn't supposed to run on the mats anyway, so major temper tantrum tears ensued. It took a while to calm him down. At least I got a pinch of introductory training today. I was shown how the cards are checked in to show attendence in class. It was easy, but I have to say that I wonder if the girls really pay attention. The program showed that 9 kids were there merely from their cards, when there was clearly more than that, and that's not including the introductory kids visiting. Oh well. When I start to get to know everyone, then it'll be easier to get the hang of things and make sure records are more accurate. I also spent some time cutting up sheets that had paper stars to hand out in class. so that kept me a little occupied. Drew was happy at the end of class as he got his certificate showing that he was an orange belt.

We have our interschool tournament on Friday, so we'll see how that goes. Drew seems to be interested in getting a medal, and participating. Only time will tell.